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Irish Jokes Options
Slouch
#1 Posted : Sunday, March 02, 2008 10:32:59 PM
Barack Obama



Joined: 8/30/2006
Posts: 18,367
Location: Frankston

 
A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Murphy. The boss thought, "I'm not hiring that lazy Mick..." so he decided to set a test for Murphy hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, Without using numbers, represent the number 9. Murphy says, "Dats easy" and proceeds to draw three trees. The boss says, "What the hell is that?" Murphy says "Tree 'n tree n' tree makes nine". Fair enough, says the boss.

Second question, same rules, but represent 99. Murphy stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir" he says. The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" Murphy says, "each tree's dirty now! So it's dirty tree, n' dirty tree n' dirty tree, dats 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire him, so he says, "All right, question three. Same rules again, but represent the number 100". Murphy stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" he makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, "There ya go sir. 100." The boss looks at Murphy's attempt and thinks, Ha! Got him this time. "Go on Murphy, you must be crazy if you think that represents a hundred."

Murphy leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got, dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes a hundred, when do I start my job?"


Slouch
#2 Posted : Sunday, March 02, 2008 10:40:11 PM
Barack Obama



Joined: 8/30/2006
Posts: 18,367
Location: Frankston

 
Three Irish guys go into a pub, have a few pints and are ready to leave and pay their tab. The bar back brings them a bill for exactly £30.00. Each guy gives him a tenner, and they leave.

When the bar back hands the £30.00 to the bartender, he is told a mistake was made. The bill was only £25.00, not £30.00. The bartender gives the bar back five £1.00 notes and tells him to take it back to the 3 Irish guys.

On their way out of the pub, the bar back has a thought... these guys did not give him a tip. (Editor's note: yes, I know they do not generally tip in Ireland, please just play along…) He figures that since there is no way to split £5.00 evenly three ways anyhow, he will keep two pounds for himself and give them back three pounds.

OK! So far so good!

He taps one of the guys on the shoulder and explains about a mix up in the bill, and hands the guy the three pounds, then departs with his two-pound tip in his pocket.

Now the fun begins!

Remember £30-£25=£5 Right? £5-£3=£2 Right?
So what's the problem?
All is well, right?
Not quite… Answer this:
Each of the three guys originally gave £10.00 each.
They each got back £1.00 in change.
That means they paid £9.00 each, which times three is £27.00.
The delivery boy kept £2.00 for a tip.
£27.00 plus £2.00 equals £29.00.
Where the heck is the other pound??????????


bigmaxi
#3 Posted : Monday, March 03, 2008 4:50:47 AM
Brian Lara



Joined: 12/8/2005
Posts: 3,374

 
27-2=25 slouchie....cmon we arent that dumb

Knowledge is power, ignorance is death
Slouch
#4 Posted : Monday, March 03, 2008 7:53:17 AM
Barack Obama



Joined: 8/30/2006
Posts: 18,367
Location: Frankston

 
"bigmaxi"
27-2=25 slouchie....cmon we arent that dumb


i know, but are you irish? Dunno
adelaidecrows
#5 Posted : Monday, March 03, 2008 8:19:27 AM
Nick Faldo



Joined: 7/16/2006
Posts: 5,533
Location: Adelaide

 
the whole statement is just plain wrong.

firstly when the statement said the bill was $25 the statement then concentrated on the guy giving the three irishmen $1. Then the statement said if each of them paid $10 and got $1 change and 3 x $9 is 27 their must be a missing dollar. well thats simply not true.

the statement should of worked out the following maths.

$25 / 3 = $8.33 each (the .33 thus making up the dollar)
$8.33 + $1 = $9.33
$9.33 x 3 = $28
$28 + $2 = $30
bigmaxi
#6 Posted : Monday, March 03, 2008 9:44:28 PM
Brian Lara



Joined: 12/8/2005
Posts: 3,374

 
yes AC that is working it back to the $30 and how it works out.

i was working it back to the actual bill of $25 where each mick pays $9 and provides an unknowing $2 tip to the delivery boy.

remember it is a riddle and supposed to confuse people...but not us!

Knowledge is power, ignorance is death
Slouch
#7 Posted : Monday, March 03, 2008 11:09:40 PM
Barack Obama



Joined: 8/30/2006
Posts: 18,367
Location: Frankston

 
well at least we now know that AC is of irish blood Mr. Green Laughing
Lay Low21
#8 Posted : Tuesday, March 04, 2008 9:53:54 AM
Carl Lewis



Joined: 1/12/2007
Posts: 8,360
Location: isle of man

 
"Slouch"
well at least we now know that AC is of irish blood Mr. Green Laughing


to be sure....



.



Well behaved women do not make history


.
LibranLady
#9 Posted : Wednesday, May 28, 2008 11:17:03 AM
Roger Bannister



Joined: 6/14/2007
Posts: 5,814

 
The registrar of the local hospital stopped the irish intern as he was about to enter the ward with a jug of boiling water.

"No No! I told you to prick his boil"Shouted the agitated registrar
Mycenean
#10 Posted : Thursday, June 26, 2008 2:44:04 PM
Viv Richards



Joined: 5/30/2007
Posts: 2,104
Location: Lancashire

 
A True Irish Ghost Story
> > > This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it
> > > sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.
> > >
> > > John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of
> > > the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a
> > storm
> > >
> > > The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so
> > > strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw
> > a
> > > car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for
> > shelter
> > > and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.
> > > only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the
> > > engine wasn't on!!
> > >
> > > The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and
> > >
> > > saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his
> > life.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the
> >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as
> > the
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed
> > him.
> > >
> > > Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the
> > > road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it.
> >
> > > Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody
> >
> > > about the horrible experience he had just had.
> > >
> > > A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was
> > > crying and....wasn't drunk.
> > >
> > > Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from
> > > the stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of
> > breath.
> > >
> > > Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one
> > > said to the other...'Look Paddy...there's that fookin' idiot that got
> > in
> > > the car while we were pushing it.'!!!!
ChelseaChelsea
#11 Posted : Thursday, June 26, 2008 3:51:38 PM
Gary Kasparov



Joined: 9/20/2005
Posts: 2,214
Location: Chelsea, London SW6

 
The pub was very quiet apart from the two Irishmen drinking in the corner.

"Well Paddy" says Mick opening the conversation with a flourish "Whereabouts in our lovely country do you come from?"

"Well Mick" says Paddy thinking "I am a man of Munster".

"Well Paddy" says Mick "Now that is very interesting because I am a man of Munster too. Tell me which county of Munster you call home?"

"Well Mick" says Paddy thinking "That would be County Kerry".

"Well Paddy" says Mick "Now that is very interesting because I also call County Kerry home. Tell me within County Kerry which town or village do you call home?"

"Well Mick" says Paddy thinking "I call Milltown home".

"Well Paddy" says Mick "Now that is very interesting because I also call Milltown home. Tell me which part of the village you lived in?"

"Well Mick" says Paddy thinking "We were right in the middle of the village next door to the church."

"Well Paddy" says Mick "Now that is very interesting because we also lived right in the middle of the village next door to the church. Tell me which road you lived on?"

"Well Mick" says Paddy thinking "We lived at Church Road, between the church and the pub."

"Well Paddy" says Mick "Now that is very interesting because we also lived at Church Road, between the church and the pub! What number Church Road were you?"

"Well Mick" says Paddy thinking "We were at number 42."

"Well Paddy" says Mick "Now that is very interesting because we also lived at number 42."

At this point the manager came in and asked the barman how trade was. The barman replied "Very quiet this evening boss.....apart from the Murphy twins".

KTBFFH!
Slouch
#12 Posted : Saturday, June 28, 2008 12:59:34 AM
Barack Obama



Joined: 8/30/2006
Posts: 18,367
Location: Frankston

 
Easy Banana Easy
nivek48
#13 Posted : Tuesday, August 30, 2011 2:28:14 AM
Alex Murphy



Joined: 11/4/2006
Posts: 4,264
Location: Dubbo NSW

 
Nick and Paddy went to the unemployment office.

When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, 'Knicker Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs...'

The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it
classified as unskilled labour, he gave him £80 a week unemployment pay.

Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, 'Diesel Fitter.'

Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick £160 a week.

When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to
find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.


The clerk explained, 'Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel
Fitters are skilled labour.'

'What skill?' yelled Paddy. 'I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs,
then Mick puts 'em over his head and says: 'Yep, Deez'le fit 'er.'


^^^^^^^**************************^^^^^^^
Kochie, KT, Ken, KO ... getting it right! #weareportadelaide
nivek48
#14 Posted : Sunday, September 25, 2011 10:30:00 AM
Alex Murphy



Joined: 11/4/2006
Posts: 4,264
Location: Dubbo NSW

 
An Irish policeman arrested a criminal and was just about to put on the handcuffs when his hat blew off down the road. The criminal said, "Shall i go and fetch it for you?" "Do you think i'm stupid?" said the policeman. "You wait here and i'll go and get it."
scratch Screwy Rejected

^^^^^^^**************************^^^^^^^
Kochie, KT, Ken, KO ... getting it right! #weareportadelaide
jujuno
#15 Posted : Monday, September 26, 2011 1:43:29 AM
Zinedine Zidane


Joined: 11/3/2009
Posts: 3,491
Location: always coasting..

 


Easy Chuckle Chuckle

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hot Pies and Mustard
jujuno
#16 Posted : Monday, December 05, 2011 6:00:41 AM
Zinedine Zidane


Joined: 11/3/2009
Posts: 3,491
Location: always coasting..

 

pinched this from Gai...thought it was really funny...

The Irish Funeral
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.


The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:

"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"


"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."




^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hot Pies and Mustard
nivek48
#17 Posted : Monday, December 05, 2011 6:23:03 AM
Alex Murphy



Joined: 11/4/2006
Posts: 4,264
Location: Dubbo NSW

 
nice one jj Easy Chuckle

^^^^^^^**************************^^^^^^^
Kochie, KT, Ken, KO ... getting it right! #weareportadelaide
vinexinfo
#18 Posted : Wednesday, January 25, 2012 4:54:32 AM
Jean Louis Ravello

Joined: 1/7/2012
Posts: 43

 
Bow Down Nice Jokes Laughing
nivek48
#19 Posted : Monday, June 25, 2012 2:44:20 AM
Alex Murphy



Joined: 11/4/2006
Posts: 4,264
Location: Dubbo NSW

 
Paddy goes into a Dublin Florist shop and says,

"I would like to buy a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend".

The florist looked at him and said, "Certainly Sir, what is it you're after?"

"A root ", Paddy replies Headbang

^^^^^^^**************************^^^^^^^
Kochie, KT, Ken, KO ... getting it right! #weareportadelaide
nivek48
#20 Posted : Thursday, August 02, 2012 8:13:09 AM
Alex Murphy



Joined: 11/4/2006
Posts: 4,264
Location: Dubbo NSW

 
Mick and Paddy come out of a pub after a night of Guinness and begin staggering down the road where they come across a headstone at a nearby cemetery.

Mick says "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "Be Geez Mick…What was his name ?"

Mick replies "Miles, from London !"


^^^^^^^**************************^^^^^^^
Kochie, KT, Ken, KO ... getting it right! #weareportadelaide
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