The other day I was carrying a little box of small, shiny discs to sew onto my suit. As I was going through the kitchen, I dropped the box spilling its contents.

My wife was putting away dishes. She slipped on the shiny discs causing her to fall and break all of our plates.

Our dog got so scared by the clatter he ran out the door and onto the street. A car passing by almost hit my dog. At the last second it veered. This caused the driver to lose control and he hit a tree in our front yard, knocking it over onto our house.

It was a strange sequins of events.

Alfred Lord Tennyson went to visit darkest Africa. While on safari, he became separated from the group, and was attacked by Laurie, a lioness who was the mascot of a local village chieftain.

The cat swallowed Tennyson whole, but was stricken with a severe case of indigestion, and she threw up. The bard found himself back in the jungle, shaken but alive.

When Laurie returned to the village, she told her master what had happened.

After a while, Tennyson showed up at the village looking terrible, and seeking help. He related his horrible experience to the chieftain, who responded saying, "Oh, you must be the poet Laurie ate!"

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"

He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.

The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"

... it means they are very lame?

i thought the water melon one was worth the effort

It turns out that the "Old King Cole" of nursery rhyme fame is loosely based on a 14th century ruler.

The slightly mad monarch is best known for his decree that the entire fiefdom's crop of lettuce be diced and drenched in mayonnaise.

He called it, of course, Cole's Law.

The Lawn Tennis Association's website has a fault. They are also having problems with their server.

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.

"Yes?"

"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15". The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.

"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"

"8:25!"

The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.

"Sir, sir? It's 8:45!."

If a cow is being fed properly but doesn't give milk there must be an udder reason.

... how do they survive with no visible means of support?

haha...

musta bin aussie fonts,creating colourful language,boom boom.