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Mal Meninga  Joined: 11/23/2005 Posts: 1,566 Location: USA  
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The number of stalls divided by 2 equals the number of usable stalls at any point in time.
If all stalls are empty use the one on the end away from the mirrors - there's always some douchebag who will try to sneak a peek at who is in there through the crack in the door.
If the end stall is taken - come back later. No one likes taking a shit in the presence of others.
If you HAVE to really go at that second (you will shit yourself otherwise) then take the other end stall. If there are only 2 stalls, you must shit yourself.
If you walk in and there are 2 stalls taken, seriously get the hell out and find another shitter. No one has ever had to go that bad. I don't care what you just ate, what medication you are on or how much caffine/prune juice/vegetable oil you just drank.
If there is someone else taking a shit at the same time as you and you hear him start to finish up - DON'T START WIPING YOUR ASS. No one, and I mean no one, wants a face-to-face meeting at the sinks. Wait until that person is out of the bathroom entirely before coming out of the stall yourself.
Don't open your mouth EVER. I don't give a shit about how the Yankees are doing or what the weather is like at that point in time. Just shut up dickhead.
DO NOT strain, grunt or let me hear you breathe. There is nothing more revolting then listening to someone struggle to push one out. No matter how quiet you think you are it's still too loud. Just relax that sphincter and let it flow - if you have to exert any effort then you didn't really have to take a shit in the first place. Get out.
When you are finished - WASH YOUR HANDS. Is it really that hard? Every time I hear someone get out of the shitter and leave immediately I cringe. Will I have to shake this person's hand at some point during the day? Will he be handing me documents that I have to read? I just don't know but it makes me sick.
If you happen to enter the bathroom as I am leaving the stall (some things are unavoidable) do not make any eye contact or even say hello. You just caught me taking a shit and it's awkward. Just go about your business and I will wash up and get out as fast as I can.
[/list]This stuff isn't that hard to follow, people.
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Paolo Rossi  Joined: 9/25/2005 Posts: 1,482 Location: Australia
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Be sure to wipe. Didak Attack 
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Steve Waugh  Joined: 10/6/2005 Posts: 1,096 Location: Arizona
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WASH YOUR HANDS BOYS NO GAL LIKES A DIRRTY MAN It's all good
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Jean Louis Ravello  Joined: 9/27/2005 Posts: 2,677 Location: Flint, MI
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"Shiner"WASH YOUR HANDS BOYS
NO GAL LIKES A DIRRTY MAN As Mac told me on AIM, there are exceptions for washing your hands. If you clog the toilet and others are in the restroom.....get out and go AWOL. Do not wait for others to figure out what you did while you were washing.
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Steve Waugh Joined: 10/6/2005 Posts: 1,096 Location: Arizona
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"whitestrokes433""Shiner"WASH YOUR HANDS BOYS
NO GAL LIKES A DIRRTY MAN As Mac told me on AIM, there are exceptions for washing your hands. If you clog the toilet and others are in the restroom.....get out and go AWOL. Do not wait for others to figure out what you did while you were washing. thank you for that info strokes It's all good
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Jean Louis Ravello Joined: 9/27/2005 Posts: 2,677 Location: Flint, MI
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I'm sure you didn't need the advice Shiner. I've been told that "girl don't poop" And if you do, I'm sure midgets in capris cant shit that much.  I'm sure this is what happens: 
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Steve Waugh Joined: 10/6/2005 Posts: 1,096 Location: Arizona
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"whitestrokes433"I'm sure you didn't need the advice Shiner. I've been told that "girl don't poop" And if you do, I'm sure midgets in capris cant shit that much. I'm sure this is what happens:  How did you know  [size=7:93e8cfb8a7]smartass[/size:93e8cfb8a7] It's all good
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Mal Meninga Joined: 11/23/2005 Posts: 1,566 Location: USA
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Guys, this was a serious topic. Why do you have to ruin it with your stupid jabber. This was a topic for everyone to get further educated on proper shitting technique.
And I agree, girls don't poop...
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Steve Waugh Joined: 10/6/2005 Posts: 1,096 Location: Arizona
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"bigmac"Guys, this was a serious topic. Why do you have to ruin it with your stupid jabber. This was a topic for everyone to get further educated on proper shitting technique.
And I agree, girls don't poop... I do sincerely appologize L [size=7:eb7c4743a3]NOT[/size:eb7c4743a3] It's all good
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Ingemar Stenmark  Joined: 12/8/2005 Posts: 3,253
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and you mustnt forget to check the inventory of toilet paper before commencing. who will ever forget Elaine off Seinfeld and that chick who couldnt "spare a square"! ive actually know people to pack up and call it a night just because they needed to empty out the bowels. Knowledge is power, ignorance is death
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Mike Tyson  Joined: 9/24/2005 Posts: 3,581 Location: Tempe and Peoria, AZ
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"bigmac"The number of stalls divided by 2 equals the number of usable stalls at any point in time. So true... After class one time, I went to a bathroom with about 15-20 urinals. A classmate of mine went in at the same time. I took one on the end, he took one in the middle...keeping good distance between us... Some other guy walks in...an older man...maybe in his 40s. Of the open stalls, he picks one RIGHT NEXT to the guy in the middle. My classmate was out of their in no time. I saw him on the way out waiting to go back in...and I looked at him puzzled...and he said "waiting for that freak to leave so I can finish" So...the moral is...pick an open urinal far away from the nearest person... #1 Orlando Magic fan...on EARTH!
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Mal Meninga Joined: 11/23/2005 Posts: 1,566 Location: USA
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It pisses me off when people do that Ratt...
Another thing, I hate it when people try to talk to me when I am trying to get business done. Wether it be #1 or #2, I can't stand it when someone says "How about them Twins?" or "How's it hangin..."
If I wanted some stranger to know how it was hangin... they would know already...
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Jean Louis Ravello Joined: 9/27/2005 Posts: 2,677 Location: Flint, MI
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"bigmac"It pisses me off when people do that Ratt...
Another thing, I hate it when people try to talk to me when I am trying to get business done. Wether it be #1 or #2, I can't stand it when someone says "How about them Twins?" or "How's it hangin..."
If I wanted some stranger to know how it was hangin... they would know already... next time it happens when you're draining the sea monster, yell "QUIT LOOKING AT MY DICK" and promptly get away i
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Steve Waugh Joined: 10/6/2005 Posts: 1,096 Location: Arizona
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"whitestrokes433""bigmac"It pisses me off when people do that Ratt...
Another thing, I hate it when people try to talk to me when I am trying to get business done. Wether it be #1 or #2, I can't stand it when someone says "How about them Twins?" or "How's it hangin..."
If I wanted some stranger to know how it was hangin... they would know already... next time it happens when you're draining the sea monster, yell "QUIT LOOKING AT MY DICK" and promptly get away i It's all good
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