The Alien Origins of Sam Cassell

Posts: 10582 · Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 10:49 am

NBA families can be found here:
NBA Family Portraits

NBA calendar girls are here:
NBA's Calendar Girls

Also.. check out:

The Wacky Ha Seung Jin Thread

and the Ron Artest Shenanigans thread

scratch

Sam Cassell is the ugliest man ever to take part in a game of basketball. Many people believe that he is an alien. Recently when watching a game on TV I noticed that the clock skipped forward by 3 tenths of a second. At first I thought it must have been a technical glitch but when I rolled back the tape several times I noticed that everything else was the same before and after, but that Sam Cassell was sitting in a different position.

Upon noticing this strange occurrence I begun work researching several possibilities as to his origins..

At first my trail led me to believe that his insect like appearance came from an unusual evolutionary chain the branched off from the praying mantis and evolved humanoid like limbs.

This is one possibility that has yet to be proven or disproven by science.

More recently I was watching the film Coneheads and noticed an uncanny resemblance to cassell. This may be somewhat unlikely but research will continue in this area..

After having looked upon this fictional character as a basis for what may be Cassell's true origins, it opened up several other avenues for research.
There were many other candidates that needed to be looked into, such as:

The creature from Aliens:

When I brought up this possibility with the head of the department of biology at my former university he said that it is within reason that Sam Cassell could very well be related to this species but most likely that it was an extant relative that led to the current form that we see today.

He examined the picture more closely and unlocked the top shelf of his desk. "I have never shown this to anyone, you will be the first person that I have ever shown"
With that, he presented me with an alien autopsy photo that he had smuggled out during his time working for the government:

As you can see here, he told me, the facial features match perfectly with this Sam Cassell fellow. It could be that he has the ability to mimic earth-like forms but for some reason the face does not change dramatically.

I left his office with new found vigour and headed for the library to search further into the archives. As it happens there are many documented records of such aliens that can take on the shapes of other living things. those that mimic other humans or objects. After scouring the internet, I finally found something that immediately drew my attention. An animated alien pic that bore an astounding resemblance to Sam Cassell. Could it be that I had finally uncovered the truth?

Yes.. yes I had.
This liquid based creature is in fact the Sam Cassell that currently plays for the LA Clippers, in it's un-morphed form.
I have many other pieces of evidence to present that will no doubt shock and create panic amongst those that view them but rest assured I will not be silenced.

Please check back soon as the full truth behind Sam Cassell will be revealed!

Posts: 12423 · Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 8:27 pm

that was good!
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Posts: 565 · Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 8:47 pm

you got me straight trippin', boo..

Nuts!

Posts: 12 · Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 12:20 am

this is awesome. this is funnier then the familia shots.

it would classic with him in V. (member that?)

or as a ferengi or klingon. (actually reggie miller looks more like the ferengi)

Posts: 10582 · Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 2:07 am

Posts: 1096 · Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 3:13 am

LOL

That is some good shit.
Especially the Conehead

Classic
Good job thumbboy
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Posts: 10582 · Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 8:26 am

Thanks Shiner! Very Happy

Posts: 10582 · Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 2:33 pm

Posts: 14372 · Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 2:34 pm

good one thumb! Easy

Posts: 10582 · Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 3:33 pm

here's the ferengi ones too Very Happy

Posts: 3685 · Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 1:57 am

Cassell as the alien from Signs...that would be classic!

Posts: 12423 · Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 2:16 am

Posts: 10582 · Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 3:03 am

lol I wonder how he'd react.. same with the family portraits pics.
I wonder if they'd get a laugh out of it or would chuck a tantrum?

Couldn't find much to work with for the alien from signs. There's not much out there on google image search for that alien.. it would have turned out pretty good too Sad

here's some other new ones though:

Alien Nation Cassell (anyone remember that show?)

ok, maybe not an alien but I wanted to see how it would look like: Cassell Shrek

Annnnnnnd, Cassell Yoda:

Posts: 10582 · Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 4:16 am

lol here's the signs one:

Posts: 12423 · Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 4:20 am

Posts: 383 · Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 4:54 am

Poor ole Sam is getting a pounding. I would love for him to see this link.. He probably is reading it right now.

Hey Sam! Whatsup man? Wave

Posts: 1096 · Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 5:54 am

If he is on..he's probably suing 121 sports as we speak.

But in all reality... Give a fuck

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Posts: 12 · Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 6:01 am

Posts: 10582 · Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 10:13 am

the cassell bashing continuessssssss

Posts: 10582 · Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 1:46 pm

the pics that were in this one got deleted Rejected

couldn't find them again Sad

Posts: 12 · Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 6:59 am

They just had Ernie Johnson and Charles Barkley showing a photo of Gollum in a clippers jersey.

Charles was sayin how he never sees gollum and cassell in the same room together.

I immediately thought of this post.

thumbboy?

Posts: 10582 · Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 12:47 pm

Cassellum will be interesting Very Happy

I'll see what I can come up with for ya! Laughing

Posts: 1096 · Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 5:03 am

You amaze all of us everytime Thumbboy
These pics are great.
Like the pic from the movie "SIGNS"

rolling

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Posts: 10582 · Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 12:36 am

Thx Shiner! Very Happy

Fido, I have toiled away and now present to you, Cassellum Laughing

Posts: 383 · Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 4:00 am

That one's a beauty. Good work ole Thumb. Easy